Putain Enfin
by Just-Absolutely-Super
Summary: Ladybug accidentally finds out who Chat Noir is and Adrien is, like, pretty sure she's gonna murder him right here in this dark alley if her angry face is anything to judge by... [A Ladynoir Identity Reveal CRACK Fic]


**AN: **I either want the Reveal™ to be a romantic cinematic masterpiece or a fucking hilarious shit storm. There is no in between.

The title means, "Fucking Finally" according to Google Translate. I don't think I'm allowed to use F bombs in titles or summaries so I'm worming my way in with a foreign language lmao

**Disclaimer: **Don't own.

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He was so screwed!

He should have been more careful!

He didn't have long until he transformed back, his only hope being he hide in the nearest inconspicuous alley he could find.

Unfortunately, Ladybug had to have the same taste in hiding spots as him…

Chat Noir panicked as he saw Ladybug dive down a few feet away from him. Her eyes widened upon seeing him, the realization dawning on her that she had dropped in on her partner about to transform back.

The final few beeps of Chat Noir's Miraculous rang throughout the alley and before he could yell for his Lady to close her eyes, bright green light engulfed him and in the place of the superhero was regular (but still quite renowned because, y'know, _model_) Adrien Agreste.

A very long, very awkward silence commenced as Ladybug stared wide-eyed and slack jawed at the boy. Adrien shifted nervously, his eyes looking anywhere but his partner. What was he going to do now? How was she going to react?

Will she be mad? Their identities were supposed to be a secret. Granted it wasn't his fault, but still… Ladybug trusted him so much. Now she knew who he was and _she wasn't saying anything_!

This was a disaster!

"A-A-Adrien?!" Ladybug stuttered. Adrien could tell her mind was still trying to process this new turn of events.

He chuckled uneasily as he gave a small wave. "H-Hey M'Lady. Umm, well cat's out of the bag I guess."

Ugh, even _he _cringed at that pun. And he was _planning _on saying that should he and Ladybug ever revealed themselves to each other—_this_ was nowhere _near _what he had planned!

However, he guessed the bad pun knocked Ladybug back to reality because her expression finally changed.

Though he's not sure if this was any better…

Ladybug's mouth closed but her jaw was clenched tight, Adrien could see her teeth gritting together. And she was _glaring_. He wasn't sure why she looked so angry but Adrien was fully prepared for the biggest ass kicking of his life.

"ARE YOU FUCKING _KIDDING_ _ME_?!" was what she finally said—or rather _screamed_.

Adrien blinked. He wasn't sure how to react to this.

"THIS WHOLE TIME CHAT NOIR HAS BEEN ADRIEN _FUCKING _AGRESTE?!"

He kept blinking. Finally he replied, "Uhhh, yeah?"

Was she upset that he was Adrien? He and Ladybug interacted a lot and she's been nothing but kind and friendly to him. She even offered him the Snake Miraculous. Was she just being nice? Did she secretly hate him?

Oh no, this was bad. This was so, so, so, so, so—

"YOU'RE TELLING ME I'VE BEEN REJECTING ADRIEN AGRESTE FOR A _FUCKING YEAR_?!"

Well that was unexpected…

"I..I'm sorry?"

Ladybug huffed, no longer paying the blond any mind as she paced the alleyway, rambling madly as she went.

"THIS ENTIRE TIME THE BOY WHO I'VE BEEN RUNNING AROUND PARIS WITH IN MAGIC SPANDEX IS THE BOY I'VE BEEN CRUSHING ON!"

"'Crushing on?'"

"AND I'VE BEEN _REJECTING HIM_! FOR THE SAME. GOD. DAMN. _BOY_! WHO FUCKING _DOES THAT_?!"

"I… I don't know?" he's sure she didn't expect a reply for that, but at this point he was kind of at a loss for what to do.

Ladybug was still going on her tirade before stopping and yelling into the sky, "OH MY GOD I COULD HAVE BEEN MAKING OUT WITH ADRIEN AGRESTE THIS ENTIRE FUCKING TIME!"

"Wait what?"

God, any more out of her and he was going to become brain dead. Was Ladybug actually saying that she has _feelings _for him? His civilian self? And the realization actually _pissed her off_?

"Ladybug, umm, not sure if you're mad at me or not, but I'm still sorry about this. This isn't how I wanted you to find out. But we'll get through this. It'll be okay, I promise."

Because what _else _was he supposed to say?

Apparently not that because Ladybug set her sights back on him and those beautiful blue eyes looked like they were _out for blood_.

Oh God, this girl will _literally _be the death of him!

Well, he had a good life…

"GOD FUCKING—SCREW SECRET IDENTITIES! _SPOTS OFF_!"

And before he had time to process this, bright pink light engulfed Ladybug and in her place stood another girl.

A girl he knew very_, very _well.

Now it was Adrien's turn to become wide-eyed and slack jawed. "You…You're _Marinette_?"

That's right. In front of him was his kind, sweet classmate Marinette Dupain-Cheng.

Well, she was _usually_ kind and sweet. The glare was still on her face and she looked like she was ready to punch something (or someone), but Adrien couldn't care about that right now. Because his Lady just revealed herself to him and it was _Marinette Fucking Dupain-Cheng_! The girl he'd been saying (or rather denying, but he'd never admit it…) for _months _he didn't have a crush on!

He stared, gaping like a fish, his fists clenching and unclenching as if not knowing quite what to do with themselves. He figured he knew where her sudden anger was coming from now. This entire time, Ladybug and Chat Noir had been right in front of each other and neither of them knew. It was quite a frustrating realization.

Finally, with his brain caught up to speed on what was happening in this current moment, he suddenly smacked himself in the face with both of his palms.

"UNBE—_FUCKING_—LIEVABLE!" now it was _his _turn to scream.

"I KNOW RIGHT?!"

"ALL THIS TIME AND LADYBUG WAS _RIGHT BEHIND ME IN CLASS_?!"

He…he was so…so…STUPID!

"I SAID _LADYBUG _WAS JUST A FRIEND! _A FRIEND_!" he was absolutely frantic. "I EVEN CALLED YOU THE _'EVERYDAY LADYBUG'_!"

"YEAH I KNOW!"

He then began to gesticulate wildly with his arms toward her, "YOUR HAIRSTYLE AND EYES DON'T EVEN _CHANGE_! AND I _STILL _DIDN'T GET IT?!" _God_, Plagg was right, he was _so blind_!

"FUCK! I HAD YOU HELP ME SET UP A DATE WITH _KAGAMI_! WHAT THE HELL?! I'M SUCH A _MORON_!"

At this point Adrien had to turn away from the actual love of his life to lean forward against the wall, his hands braced against it for support. It took all of him not to repeatedly bang his head against the wall.

"WE'RE _BOTH _MORONS! OH MY GOD!" Marinette yelled, her own hands hiding her face as she crouched down to the ground to moan at her own stupidity.

"JUST LET ME DIE RIGHT HERE!"

If anyone were to pass by (with all the screaming it's a miracle nobody did), they would have been horribly confused by the sight of two teenagers looking like they wished the ground would open up and swallow them right then and there. In a few days Adrien was sure he and Marinette would be laughing at this (it'll be a great story to tell their future children), but now was not the time. Now was the time to question every life choice you ever made and wonder how you could _not know your crime fighting partner and actual soulmate was right next to you the entire time_?!

Adrien can mull over how incredibly _dense_ he had been and other post-reveal drama later. Right now, _he needed to stop fucking around and get a girlfriend_.

With newfound determination, Adrien gritted his teeth and pushed himself off the wall, spinning around toward Marinette. She must have had the same resolve as him, for she had straightened up from her crouched position and marched toward him. She was still glaring but Adrien knew it wasn't anger toward him anymore because he completely understood her feelings now. They mentally agreed that their relationship was long overdue.

"WILL YOU GO OUT ON A DATE WITH ME?!" Marinette yelled at him, red-faced and eyes sparked with fire.

It wasn't the romantic setting either of them wanted. There were no blushing faces, so stutters, no flowers, nothing. Just a year's worth of pent up frustration in a gross, dark alleyway. Yeah, Adrien knew this was _definitely _gonna be a good story for their future children.

"HELL YEAH!" he affirmed. Then, with as much vigor he asked, "CAN I KISS YOU?!"

Marinette nodded while grabbing the lapels of his white button up. "OF FUCKING _COURSE_ YOU CAN!"

Those were the magic words as the proverbial wall between them finally shattered and the two's lips collided in a heated kiss. The world melted away. All there was left was Adrien and Marinette.

…Oh, and Tikki and Plagg.

"Eww, gross!"

"Oh shush, Plagg! I think it's sweet."

"Yeah, you would…" Plagg muttered, glaring at his and Tikki's chosen as they continued to suck face. Honestly, why swap spit when you could eat cheese instead?

Rolling his eyes, the Black Cat Kwami stated, "This wasn't really how I expected them to react once they found out their identities."

He wasn't sure about Marinette, but Plagg had expected Adrien to go gaga and ask the girl to marry him on the spot. This reaction was…different.

"Can you blame them?" Tikki giggled, "All this time their love has been right under their noses! The realization just left them a little flustered and frustrated."

"'A little?'"

Their conversation was interrupted as Adrien and Marinette disentangled themselves from each other, breathing long and hard.

"I LOVE YOU SO MUCH!" Adrien screamed in her face.

"I LOVE YOU TOO!" was Marinette's loud reply.

Then Adrien dipped Marinette and proceeded to kiss her some more while their forgotten Kwamis watched dumbfounded. Plagg rolled his eyes and shook his head.

"Humans are so _weird_…"

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**AN: **I wanted Marinette and Adrien to be righteously pissed off that they've been so oblivious to their partner's identity so that's what I did.

I don't even CARE if you people review or not, I just did this for the lulz


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